Finding the Gold in the Dark Corners of our Self

In some situations, we are our best selves, yet in some others not.

Have you ever wondered why?

You are the same person, always having access to your best self.

Yet, why do you react in different ways?

Sometime back, in the course of my pursuit of training in Psychodrama, I came across the concept of “fragmented roles,” and it fascinated me the most.

To understand this, let us explore how we react to a specific situation or constellation of situations.

All of us play different kinds of roles.

Some bring out the best in us, giving us a sense of pride, meaning, and energy. These progressive roles often enable us to inspire others, foster change, and demonstrate leadership in impactful ways. You would have experienced this when you were thoroughly engaged in learning, exploring a new concept curiously, or when you were benevolently nurturing something or someone.

In other situations, we may assume coping roles that are needed to maintain the status quo—like being a conflict avoider, placating peacemaker, careful non-committer, and so on.

In yet other situations, we assume roles that almost always leave us with a twinge of regret. Recall the last time you felt enraged, cynical, or gloom-struck.

Let’s say you become very angry every time you notice that some unpleasant truth is not being voiced.

You feel compelled to say it. And you say it.

But then, you feel a great surge of anger and injustice about being the one having to say it.

And now you feel like a villain for expressing anger.

Sounds familiar?

Like anger, we display other extreme emotions, like harshly pointing out wrongdoings or being an avoidant non-listener, passive staller, or even a despairing non-believer. Not that we want to, but something within makes us do that impulsively.

In Psychodramatic language, these are referred to as fragmented roles. These fragmented roles can prevent leaders from fostering positive change and stepping into their high potential.

When we dig deeper, we may find that this reaction is actually a residue of the past.

There may have been another time in our life when something not right happened, and we couldn’t speak up. So, every time we come across a situation remotely resembling the original situation, we feel compelled to act out what we couldn’t act out then.

Over our lifetime, we gather many such constellations of energy that weigh us down and colour our experiences, preventing us from showing up fully in the present.

This fragmentation hinders alignment with the present moment, obstructing the leadership qualities and adaptability necessary to embrace change effectively. It creates dissonance in our sense of space and time—causing my irritated, angry alter ego to show up where my open, listening self ought to.

How can we overcome this?

Through a process of reflection, we can become aware of these “fragmented roles” that show up again and again, clouding our ability to be fully in the moment and act as per our highest energy and intelligence.

Having identified these roles, we need to undertake the process of integrating them.

To understand the process of integration, let’s take any mythical Hero’s journey as a metaphor for personal growth and transformation. Almost always, in her journey, the hero meets demons, mischievous spirits, and distracting sirens. And always, she cannot move ahead in her journey without fearlessly engaging with them and slaying them.

Once she engages with them, the demon assumes a benevolent form and grants her a boon. Often, the true form of the demon is benevolent but weighed down by some curse or ancient karma. In fact, the term demon is derived from the Greek word daimōn, which means a “supernatural being” or “spirit.” Though it has commonly been associated with an evil or malevolent spirit, the term originally meant a spiritual being that influenced a person's character.

By reflecting on your fragmented roles, you can transform them into allies that strengthen your leadership and unlock your high potential.

In our previous example, the unresolved anger was coming from a different place (past). Our “fragmented selves” too are daimōns. They actually have gifts and deep insights to offer us. Meeting and becoming friends with them will grant you the boon to reflect—"What other ways can I bring fairness into the situation?"

From feeling compelled to be angry, we might find ourselves bringing our curious observer to the situation, transforming into our progressive selves.

So, my dear leader, as you navigate your growth and embrace change, I invite you to think—“What gold nuggets are your fragmented selves hiding?”